The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
