Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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