It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yo dont text me then not text me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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