Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
