i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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