Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
