It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
