it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
