he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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