I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
