No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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