So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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