i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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