and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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