what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
