You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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