Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
