why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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