O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
