so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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