I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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