I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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