My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
