you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
