You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
