Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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