Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
only you would photoshop your dick
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
