I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Randomize
