You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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