you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
