Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
