I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
