Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
