I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
