i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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