Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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