My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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