it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
