My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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