Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
