Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Text me some of your sweat
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
