I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
