u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
