I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
