I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
