R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
