I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
