Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just gift wrapped bread.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
