I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
