Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
