Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
