I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
